Every once in a while things just come together and you get that “Ah-ha” moment from The Lord – “That’s what you want me to do now”! Sometimes it’s a dramatic realization, and other times it’s a subtle hint that can be easily missed if one isn’t paying attention and discerning what they should do next. Well, today February 13th I received a subtle “Ah-ha” moment on what to blog about next.
In the back of my mind I probably knew my next blog would come out on Valentine’s Day. So I was probably thinking about writing how Floris and I met, and how the idea of marriage just seemed not in the cards for me, not just because of my disability and all that that brings with it, but I’m a pretty domineering, demanding, and vocal woman. Not too many men want to commit to snuggling up to a porcupine in a pink wheelchair for the rest of his life! Ask my brother – when he hears me explaining to Floris how I want something done, he perceives it as me ordering Floris around and playfully says, “Women like you are the reason I’ll never marry”! I know I’ll never be a submissive woman – I’m just not built that way.
Last night I had a dream that I was marrying for the second time. I imagine Floris must have passed on because I could never dream of leaving him. If per say he left me, I would never marry until his departure from this world because of my faith and my vow of “Until death do us part”. So in the dream I’m in the same chapel that Floris and I were married in. The whole area was decorated with this cheap, silver, tinsel-like material that hung in linked snowflake shaped ringlets from ceiling to floor. I realized next that I was standing on my own two feet waiting to walk down the aisle. I thought this weird since I didn’t walk down the aisle in my first wedding for fear of falling and making a complete fool of myself. Besides, walking is not “normal” for me, so why would I do this on my wedding day?
The next thing I remember in the dream is the priest took my arm and was helping me walk down the aisle. I noticed the pews were practically empty. I kept looking for a familiar face, family, friends or even acquaintances. No one was there that I recognized. There were only white-haired elderly women whom I assumed were there for daily Mass. I wondered if I had put the wrong date on the invitations. I started to doubt myself and feel incredibly lonely. I looked on the left wall and saw a picture of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Then I woke-up. I knew my blog on Valentine’s Day would be “Marriage – a lost tradition”. Stay tuned.