Dear Cancer

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Dear Cancer,

Who are you really?  They say you’re embroiled in my being now, but I never felt you – well until that one day of incredible pain when the Emergency Room doctors saw shadows of you hiding in my ovaries and spreading your way out, conquering more territory as if my ovaries wasn’t enough!  Then the pain of you left as suddenly as it came, and has not returned.

I believed since I did not feel pain, another intruder had taken up residence in my body.  Although I believed this other intruder to be innocuous, it still had to be evacuated from my body and unmasked in case you were disguised as them.  I just couldn’t imagine it could be you.  I spent years creating a hostile and unwelcoming environment for you to reside, but somehow you managed to creep in unnoticed and make yourself comfortable in whatever way you could.  As I went about my life you colonized and found the transportation system that could spread your spawns throughout my body – yet I still have no personal knowledge of who you are!

Oh, I’ve seen the likes of you in others – in many of whom I love.  Some of whom you consumed til their deaths, others whom you’re still playing tug of war with to see who will win occupancy of their body, and still others who have beat you at your game and won their body back, but whom are in constant vigilance of your return.  I’ve seen the havoc you reek, the fear you cause, the confusion, the desperation, the money you make “Big Pharma”!  I don’t know you, but I know your tracks, your fingerprints, and your modus operendi – a secret stalker one can’t see, and is totally unaware of, until you grab them, still masked in the shadows!

Even though I have to do battle with you to save my existence on earth, I refuse to let you consume my life with fear, worry or anxiety over your existence within me and the fact you could very well take my life no matter how strong I fight.  For if I let you consume my life and distract me from my life’s purpose – to love, care and advocate for the weakest among us – then you have already won!  Even deciding whether I should hate you or make peace with you, would be too much time wasted on your existence.  The only time put towards you will be being an integral part of the team deciding the best ways to eradicate your existence in my body.

I am suffering some initial battle wounds and the pain makes it difficult to sleep through the night, but even in my woundedness I use this time to strategize how I will help the weakest have a better life.  In the end you may win by killing me, but you will never win by distracting me from living my life to its’ fullest purpose.

Your biggest adversary,

Renee

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